Train ride.

I don't know whether you girls noticed perverts on trains and buses.
You know, that kind that pretend to sleep and become "touchy touchy".
They pretend to have fallen asleep and then get closer to you physically.

First, he would look around for seats. There are so many seats to choose from and he HAD TO SIT BESIDE YOU.

Before you know it, he "fell into deep sleep" and started swaying his head and hands and body towards you. Like plants reacting to sunlight.

Getting closer and closer to you >.<

I felt so uncomfortable I got off my seat!

The next station, a mother with a kid board the cabin and the mother sat on my seat.
The guy opened his eyes and saw the aunty.

Guess what?
He stopped swaying for the rest of the journey until I left the cabin. He was so still lah! IDIOT.

I am more blessed than I thought.

I have my own room, my own laptop, my own bed, friends that I can whine to, a sister to disturb.... etc. You get the idea.

Material things.
My needs are met.
My wants can never be satisfied.

I'm a sadist?

If someone were to insult/slap/degrade me now,
I'll feel nothing.

I know I will feel nothing.
Don't ask me why.
I just know it.

I forgot how it is like to feel pain and cry.

I wish I can force tears but I'm not able.
So tell me, whats wrong with me?

Life is not a game or games.

"When a believer needs to own the biggest house, drive the largest SUV, get the promotion first, and win every argument, something's terrible from God's point of view. It's not right to run over people's feelings, bend or break the rules, and gloat over victories.

To approach life as one big game that you always have to win is to live in hopeless delusion and fantasy. While material possessions, professional success, and personal victories are enjoyable, they last on for this life. Then they are all left behind. What really counts is what's done for the Lord."

I quoted all these from Our Daily Bread 25th April.

The passage shared/related to the above message was Mark 8:31-38 (New International Version) from the bible.

Jesus Predicts His Death
31He then began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and after three days rise again. 32He spoke plainly about this, and Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him.

33But when Jesus turned and looked at his disciples, he rebuked Peter. "Get behind me, Satan!" he said. "You do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

34Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 35For whoever wants to save his life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. 36What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? 37Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? 38If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels."

Footnotes:

1. Mark 8:35 The Greek word means either life or soul; also in verse 36.

[P.S. I got the verses from www.biblegateway.com]


I need to change my attitude towards life.
My mum told me life is about "owning the biggest house, drive the largest SUV, get the promotion first, and win every argument.".
I almost got lost in it.

Dear Satan,
You'd never rest would you?
Sigh.
I feel sad for those who are blinded by such.
I do not think if I asked you to stop blinding them, you'd stop.
I can only pray for them.

A little girl.

A little girl told me she wants a prince charming.
She said because she is a princess, so she needs a prince.
A prince in shining armour, riding a white horse.
A prince who would never leave her and let her cry.
He would protect her always.
He would shower her with love and give her many surprises.

I smiled at her.
How naive.
How sad.

Wait.
Maybe not.
There's still hope in this hopeless world.
Jesus Christ can be her prince.
Christ would never leave her.
He would protect her always and shower her with love.

The Way I Was Made.

Caught in the half-light, I’m caught alone
Waking up to the sunrise and the radio
Feels like I’m tied-up, what’s holding me?
Just praying today will be the day I go free

I want to live like there’s no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one’s around
I want to sing like nobody’s listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I’m not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made
Made in Your likeness, made with Your hands
Made to discover who You are and who I am
All I’ve forgotten help me to find
All that You’ve promised let it be in my life

I want to live like there’s no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one’s around
I want to sing like nobody’s listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I’m not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made
ohhhhh
The way I was made
Ohhhh
I want to live like there’s no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one’s around
I want to sing like nobody’s listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I’m not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made
I want to be the way I was made
I want to be the way I was made

This song is by Chris Tomlin.

Thankyou John for sharing this song with me(:
And credits to U U for intro-ing the song to John then John intro me!

I don't understand girls.

Sometimes she behaves in a way that I cannot comprehend.


Anyway, I watched this movie on HBO [kiss the girls] and thought what the female actress said in the show is impressive, something I never thought about.

She said, "I have not found the guy who would look at me like my father would at my mother. He always looked at her as if she's the most beautiful woman on Earth."

The scriptwriter is good.

Argh! I've got school on a sunday.
But I planned it.
Why am I so stupid? Hmmm.....

Confusion.

I can't tell what my heart says and what my head is thinking.

Heart and Head.
They are always in conflict.

The recent one is, I know something is happening for a reason.
I really understand why it happened.
Yet I cannot help feeling upset about it.

How can one understand something happened yet still feel sad about it?

Hmmm...... Its possible.

Piano Exam.

Ah! This thing has been bugging me more often lately.

Kai kept asking me about my progress.

Lu talked about it during our chitchat session.

Cell member [Sarah] shared her testimony on her Piano Exam.

Am I really supposed to take that Exam again?
Do I really have what it takes?
If I did, what went wrong the last two times?

>.<

I have this sudden thought.
If with teachers it didn't happen, perhaps I need a better teacher and the teacher would be God?

Am I crazy?
Hmmm.... Maybe I should really go IMH to check it out someday soon.

I bought iShuffle.

Hope this electronic gadget would motivate me to run more!

Its silver in colour(:
didn't want the green one because I think silver is more... blendable with my outfits :D



I don't like being tortured by migraine.

Comfort food.

Why am I indulging in all the comfort food?!

Why Oh Why?

ahhhhhhhh.

I neeeeeeeeeed to RUN!!!!!!!!!!


2KM 4KM 6KM 8KM!

0700.

Friends.

Thank you for always being there.
Just listening to me whine and understanding the situation.
No criticism.
Always encouraging.
Love you all loads and loads!

Loving Him with all my heart, soul and mind.

I know God wants me to be at cell when I'm somewhere esle.
He prompted me many times yet I refused to listen.
I felt weird at somewhere esle and decided to go cell.
And I felt better.

My cell group was talking about studies.
Like how we should surrender it to Him.
I lost this focus. In my heart, I know He is reminding me.
I was reminded that I wanna do well for my exams not for pride,
not for a secured future, not for myself but for God!
I wanna do well for His glory!

Two [okay.three.] verses came to my mind.

"3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
Proverbs 16:3


"19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal."
Matthew 6:19-20

She self-destructs.

I watch as she self-destructs.
I've told her a million times the consequences.
She doesn't seem to care.
I know deep down, she's hurting.
I feel helpless as I watch her do things,
things that cause harm to herself.

I guess when the pain is so bad,
nothing esle mattered.
She knows that God loves her no matter what.
[God loves all of us, every single one.]
She says He is intangible to her.
I want to hug her and comfort her.
Tell her that I care and I love her too.
But I can't seem to reach out to her.

I don't want her destroy herself.
How I wish all these that happened were from a bad dream.

The devil never rests.
Always manipulating her.
Giving her false hopes and temporal comfort.
She knows it.
She knows all these are not eternal and God offered her everlasting life.
But she is numb, tired of hearing the same things
over and over, over and over, over and over again.

Perhaps self-destruction could provide her a platform,
a chance to start all over again.
To forget all the hurt and pain she felt.
And believe once more, from the beginning till the end.

Quiet Time With God.

What does that mean?

Some people take it the literal sense.
I think its like quality time with Him too.
You know, like QT = Quiet Time = Quality Time? haha.

QT is basically communication with God and maintaining a relationship with Him.

I found out that there's actually a "format" to doing so.
If my memory didn't fail me, its something like:

Worship [Sing praises about Him.]
Read His word.
And Prayer.

The sequence doesn't matter I suppose?

For me, I talk to God a lot, in the form of prayer. And when I draw near to Him a step at a time, I know He takes leaps towards me. It is amazing how He guides me to verses, showing me what He wants me to do.

"He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God."

John 8:47

This verse came from a subtitle "The Children of the Devil". I just thought it made a lot of sense.

Check this out!

Super cool la! I wanna participate!
But Singaporeans are too serious for this.
Singapore is not ready for this.

Not in the rightstateofmind.

I've to apologise for my previous entry which I've decided to delete.
Hui is right. I was acting like a spoilt child, rebellious.

It was a battle in the field of emotions and feelings.

I was living in denial! >.<
Why?

Something was obviously there but I refused to acknowledge it.
And it wasn't a one-off thing.
It kept coming back to haunt me.
I had to decide to do something.
I decided to act on what I really wanted.
Because I can't live on illusions I made forever...

Out of sight, out of mind.

It is funny how I don't think about certain people at all.
Its like, they never cross my mind!

Until I come across their picture,
Or when a friend brings up the name during a chat,
and it is only for that moment you'd think about that person.
You wouldn't linger on that thought for long.

Like someone once said, "Out of sight, out of mind."
That is so true.


HOWEVER.
There are some people that you don't want to think about,
they are always on your mind.
Involuntarily.